Sunday, May 31, 2009

125

i went to port jeff with my best friends last night. we walked around, took pictures, got dinner and ice cream. it was great. today consisted of practice bio regents. theres only ten school days left. regents are right around the corner. i need to pass all three. spanish, bio and global. the amount of stress this is causing me is insane. alexa is coming in 5 days, i can't wait. xo. bye (:




Saturday, May 30, 2009

124

i started to clean the house today. i really wish spiders didn't exist. what is the point of them? in one week from today i will be with my best friend! aw i'm so excited, you don't even know. this week is just going to be full of cleaning and studying, good stuff right? mmmm i want a smoothie! bye (:

edit: one month ago i was on ftsk's bus. wow. i miss that night so much. being there all disappointed and leaving the happiest person ever. i wish i could go back. nobody understands how happy i was that night. from 10:54 - 11:08. i couldn't have asked for it to be any different. i miss you, jonathan, caleb, kyle, marc, austin and kent <3

edit 2: there's nothing i can do about it, it's all you

Friday, May 29, 2009

123

i learned a lot today. i learned that i'm loosing you day by day. i don't even know who you are anymore. look what you're doing to our friendship. this goes for a lot of people, not just one. i don't know who anyone is anymore. i also learned that when paper falls behind your dresser, be scared. my room went on fire. one of the scariest things that have ever happened. seven days till i finally see my best friend. bye (:

Thursday, May 28, 2009

122

change change change change change change change change change change change change change change change change change change change change change change change change change change change needs to stop. i've been drifting away from so many people and it's killing me. i want everything to go back to how it was. why can't that be easy? anyway, i'm going all out on the diet that i just started. hopefully i loose something. bye (:


Wednesday, May 27, 2009

121

omg you're making me so mad. every little thing that you do makes me what to blow someones head off. you have no idea. sometimes i wish i could just put you on mute. i hope you realize that. bye (:

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

120

mmm i've been reading text books and blasting the white tie affair since i got home from school. my progress report scared the crap out of me and my dad said i wasn't going to california. good joke. i need to start studying for regents, they're right around the corner. bye (:

edit: i just need my best friend to come now. i need to get my mind off everything. i've been getting in this weird mood around this time every night for like a week. i can't describe how it feels, but i hate it so much and it needs to stop.

Monday, May 25, 2009

119

it's memorial day and my family's here for a bbq, so fun. bye (:

edit: so it's already eight o'clock and i forgot i had like pages and pages of bio homework today that counts twice, fuck. i always save everything for last minute, then i forget. this whole night everyone was talking to me about regents and everything. i feel like the stress bubble above my head is going to pop, i'm so scared. my dad said if i don't pass, i'm not going to california. if you know me well enough, you know how much going means to me. i just want it to be the end of june, done with school and everything. my best friend is coming here in 11 days, hopefully that'll take some stress away. i haven't been this excited in a while.

edit 2: so as much as i'd rather ftsk and selena not record together...... i need to let it go. it's not like i can stop it or anything. if they're happy with it, i'm happy with it. she just really should stick to acting, not singing. honestly, i don't think shes a good singer. i don't want people to look at them as if they're a joke because of it. whutev, i miss them so much ):

Sunday, May 24, 2009

118

spending this really hot day with lia and melissa, hopefully doing something later. i need more friends. oh i miss you so much. bye (:

edit: it's hard to speak up and say what i want to say. i wish i could but i'm to afraid. suddenly i'm afraid of everything. i try not to think about it and set it aside but it seems to just pile up in my mind. have you noticed anything, honestly? i haven't felt like this in so long. it just sucks, what happens next? i feel like i'm loosing you. i guess people change for the better, but it just turns on someone else.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

117

LETS HAVE SOME FUN THIS BEAT IS SICK, I WANNA TAKE A RIDE ON YOUR DISCO STICK. daz been stuck in mah head all day. today is great. i was talking to alexa and she's coming here june 5th. i haven't seen her in 3 years. i'm so exctied omg. i went to port jeff with val today. ate lunch, took fun pictures, had ice cream.... yaknow. the good stuff. i might go out wif melissa and lia later, who knows! mmmmmmmm bye (:

Friday, May 22, 2009

116

woke up at 1:45, went to the city at 4, saw fall out boy on the today show, was on tv, home by 12:30. today iz a vury tiring day, but it was worth it and fun. (all though i was far back because oh the saliors~ and fan pass keeedz.) my pictures from today all suck, hot. i really need sleep. mmmmm i wish i got tan, i hate you sun. bye (:

Thursday, May 21, 2009

115

another great day. i don't have time to write. i need to go get ready then go to devins party with my best friends. maybe i'll write more later, who knows. bye (:

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

114

i got new clothes today! i'm tired and my stomach hurts, bye (:

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

113

i haven't been in such a good mood since like, bamboozle. today was great. i think i was only in a great mood because everyone was awake when i woke up. idk, it makes me happy. school went by fast, thank youuu. jilly came over off the bus. i haven't been so obnoxious in a long time. funniest bus ride home. thats where this picture was taken. and yes, i am wearing a girly shirt.... from hollister. lol wut? i was called cute like 6368325 times today. o well. jill and i are sitting here doing some homework. thats unusual. 2 days left of school this week, wooh! alexa and nikos mom called my house earlier talking about visits here and there, i was going crazy. i miss them more than anything in the world and i'd die to go see them. mmm good day. oh! dear marc stewart, i've heard you had swine, idk if it's true or not but please please please get better, i love you! bye (:

Monday, May 18, 2009

112

today today today, i really don't remember anything that happened in school. lmfao. i came home to my love everyone bracelet in the mail, i love it so much. i went out with amanda for like two and a half hours, got new shoes... yes! only 17 more days till i'm done with that hell hole i call school. it's seriously turning me into a health freak, i really can't take that building or the people in it anymore. 3 more days left of the week, i love when we have short weeks. dfw. fall out boy friday, woot. bye (:

Sunday, May 17, 2009

111

i don't want to write at all today, i'm tired and my head hurts. bye (:

Saturday, May 16, 2009

110

today's not a day for writing, it's a day for relaxing and sleeping. exactly what i'm going to do. i love my best friends a lot. bye (:

Friday, May 15, 2009

109

the amount of disrespect people have for others has completely blown me away. i didn't know it was even possible to be such a horrible person. it scares me to know this is our future. these people, the things they do, their horrible choices. it makes me sick, honestly. i wish i could have done something to help, but i couldn't. i hope you get some sense knocked into you because you really do need it. twitters pissing me off right now. in case you cared. bye (:

Thursday, May 14, 2009

108

i wish everything between you guys was just all back to normal. you're my best friends and i hate seeing you like this. oh, it's already been two weeks since the best day of my life. wow, i miss it. bye (:

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

107

good news, i finally got a passing test grade in math, thank god. i'm starting to take things more seriously. i can't be taking regents over in the summer. i can't be always thinking about the fun stuff i need to to. it'd be great for once to not fail something and make my dad really happy. that's all i want. it's just so hard. bad news? i need about 120 dollars in order to do what i want this summer. july is packed with shows. i hope i'm allowed to go to every one. that'd be great. i really need a job. so my back has been killing me all day. it feels like my bones are rubbing together. advil doesn't work. oh, have i mentioned how much i miss my best friends? it's been like 2 weeks. this is horrible. i want the weekend. bye (:

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

106

exactly one month till schools over and regents start. i'm scared out of my mind. this is going to be one stressful month, no doubt about it. my obsession with twizzlers is getting really bad, thought you'd like to know. i miss forever the sickest kids, so much. idk what i'm gunna do with myself. oh selena gomez, dnw you ever. i'd rather you not think about touring with my boys. you'll ruin them. thanks. bye (:

edit: i love you to death but the copying, needs to stop. i find it hysterical how much things you do just like me.

edit 2: i feel like everytime i talk to you i get in the worst mood ever........ i thought you would like to know that

Monday, May 11, 2009

105

i really need to start trying, i'm running out of time. bye (:

Sunday, May 10, 2009

104

happy sisters day! amanda and i exchanged presents this morning, i got her two cd's and she got me a 3OH!3 shirt and a gift card to hot topic, wooh. we went to chili's for lunch, i didn't know that place was so good. it's so nice out today, i love it. i'm hoping sometime this week my love everyone bracelet will come like jcook said. i'm dying for it. i hope everyone did good things for their moms today! my day with amanda was great. staying positive. rip<3 bye (:

Saturday, May 9, 2009

103

i almost went to bed and totally forgot to do this, i would've died. i can't stop yawning, i'm exhausted. bye (:

Friday, May 8, 2009

102

it really sucks when you become best friends with someone and they mean so much to you, that when you get bad news theres nothing to do but cry. lia, i can't. please dont take the house in the hamptons, please. who knows when i'll be able to see you. it's hard enough as it is. tonight was depressing. melissa, lia, jill, katie, mike and i all had an emotional moment. i love them all so much and it's hard to say bye to your best friend. i can't forget the great times we had in that house. i really can't. lia, i wish you the best. goodbye (:


Thursday, May 7, 2009

101

it's been a full week since the best day of my life, i miss it. today was a bad day at first, i don't know what i can do to fix this. you need to try and help me. you're like my best friend and i hate seeing us like this. you know that i love you. i basically cried when jcook tweeted me back this morning, it felt like i was having a heart attack. good news, i only have to save up about 40 more dollars because the hat i showed cook, which he loves isn't half as much as the one i found at first. i'm excited to give it to him. i think it should stop raining because it makes me feel like the world is going to end soon. i have to study hard for bio tonight, my next report card needs to be amazing. i should start reviewing for regents. i've never cared so much about school. today was very random, goodbye (:

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

100

o wow, day 100 already. i feel like i just starting doing this. on top of that, today is one year since i saw ftsk, danger radio, the cab and the maine. that was a great show. i haven't stopped listening to ftsk for a full week now, that's sad and i miss them.... i'm most likley going to say that everyday for a while. goodbye (:

edit: everything would be ten times better if you would just tell me what's going on. you know i love you to death and whatever i did, i'm sorry. i hate being like this, it just sucks.

edit 2: it seems to be that thinking about last thursday is the only think keeping me completely sane right now, if that didn't happen.... who knows

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

99

"and i said pleaseeeeed to meet you baby, how do you do what you do?" i'm sick of the rain, it makes me feel lazy and really tired. nothing interesting is happening so far this week, booo. it's cinco de mayo, i want ice cream. oh, i hope my favorite boys have fun on their first day of their headliner tonight<3 bye (:

Monday, May 4, 2009

98

it's only been two days and i miss forever the sickest kids so much. rockin rodeo tour starts tomorrow, i wish they were coming here. i don't know how long i can go without seeing them. they've basically been on my mind all day, nothing else. i miss my boys. bye (:

Sunday, May 3, 2009

97

i have no idea how long this is going to be. yesterday was bamboozle. i went to kiddy's house around 7:45. kiddy, mama a, marissa and i left around 9:00 to go get something to eat then we headed for new jersey. after getting lost for about an hour, we finally got to the meadowlands around 11. the line to get in was so long and we thought we would miss the cab. at first when we were waiting on line it was still raining but by the time we got in, the sun came out. thank god. right when we got in we went straight to the cab and didn't miss any of it. we got to the middle of the crowd and that was about as far as we were gunna go. their set was great. after they ended we went to find cat's mom to give her our bags. cartel was on after the cab and before ftsk so we just wondered around till ftsk. during that time we found sam ruh and tried to find the bamboozle singing tent for ftsk at 3:30. it took us a while but we found it. along with eric bowley from tsa. he's so sweet. then i call lauren and she says shes by the ferris wheel so i was looking for her and shes standing right in front of me. we seriously attacked each other. i was so happy to see her. we went to say hi to ziggy at ftsk's tent for a little while then around around 1:45 we walked over to the imagination stage to get ready to go in the crowd for ftsk. it was so big i didn't know how we were gunna do it. we left sam and cat and i went in. turns out we got second row.... we're amazing. when they came out i was in tears. the entrance is the cutest thing ever, they would do something like that. i had the biggest smile on my face the whole set. when they played catastrophe i basically died. my favorite song, jonathan sees me, points and waves. i was hysterical. he remembered me, wow. during shes a lady i realized that cat had already gotten out since the crowd was going crazy. but i ended up getting barricade, though it was the last song. i still got it. when they ended i ran out to find cat and sam. i was crying, my hair was a mess, i lost my eyeliner and sharpie. i was still the happiest person ever. we walked over to the singing and the line was so long there's no way if we got on we'd be able to meet them. as we were standing by the front we see ftsk walking to the tent. jonathan walks up to me, grabs my hand and says " it's so nice to see you again, thank you so much for the picture." i was melting and once again, hysterical. did he seriously remember me? after that there was no way i'm not going to the signing. so i asked some girls that looked really nice, if i gave them 20 dollars can we go behind them. they let us but they didn't want the money. this means a lot to me and i felt bad so i gave them 10. there actually are some nice people out there. when it was our turn to go up, i was shaking like crazy. i was so happy. they're all so amazing. when i got to cook i couldn't stop smiling. he was being so cute. since sam was done and you can't take pictures when you're with them, she snuck a picture from the side of us hugging. it's adorable. after the signing we went to say hi to ziggy and and we met all of this providence. then it hit me that i forgot to give jonathan a note that i wrote him the night before. so we ran to cat's mom and got the note then walked over to the singing, they were still there. i asked the security guard if i can just give this to jonathan fast and he said no, sasshole. we went over to where we saw them walk in and i saw the two girls on the line again, waiting for a different signing. so obvs ftsk is coming out soon. as they were getting up i started to die again. austin came out and ran through everyone, then disappeared. when jonathan walked out some girls asked him for pictures so he did like 2 or 3 fast then walked closer to me. i look at him and said " jonathan, i forgot to give this to you!" he looks at me, smiles, gives me the biggest hug and says "omg thank you so much." that just meant a lot to me. we went to go watch danger radio now. we said hi to gunz and eric again the went into the crowd. those boys get cuter every time. when they finished we went over to the side and talked to andy, andrew, elan and spencer. cat called laur so andrew can leave a message, he sang to her. i know she was dying (: . when we left them we met brooks from mayday and then went back to ziggy before cobra. he's so funny. for cobra we didn't go into the crowd, we stood in the back. i wasn't even excited to see them but they were great. after that we went back to see the danger boys but the signing was over, it was okay because we already met them and when they came out of the tent we talked to them for a few seconds. then we walked around for a long time and went back to ziggy while all time low played. i gave him 20 dollars because its ziggy and ftsk and they all deserve it. he's so fun to talk to and he made fun of our new york accents. "MAH WAAAAWTUH" ahahaha. dw. after like a half hour of talking i turn around and see jonathan samuel cook. my heart stops. he came over to me and we hugged and took the cutest picture ever. then he told me that he missed me. i fell like every time i saw him that day he was acting 10 times cuter. i said bye to ziggy when cook left and we followed him because kiddy wanted a picture. he took a few but then he went behind a stage so she never got it. i can't believe i met him four times in one day, i couldn't have asked for anything else. we sat down for fall out boy bcuz we we're tired as hell and couldn't stand up anymore. we were waiting to leave and i saw gunz and lauren we went to say bye to them before we left. it didn't rain at all the whole day of being outside. this was the best week of my life and i haven't been this happy in so long. jonathan cook, kyle burns, caleb turman, marc stewart, austin bello, kent garrison and ziggy, i love you guys.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

96

i'm dying. getting ready, kiddy's house then bamboozle. omg, i'm going crazy. but dnw half my school there or this weather. jonathan, gabriel and lauren. aw yayay. okay bye (:

Friday, May 1, 2009

95

i'm going to get sidetracked about 18 times doing this, it's going to be long. yesterday around 3:30 brooke and i left for bamboozle roadshow. we got there around 4:10 and got right online. we were right by the buses and trailers. jcook passed at one point and i started to cry, i missed him so much. we met up with marissa, tracy, karina, sam, shaunna, kiddy and laur. the doors opened at six so we went in, got our merch and went outside by the buses. the few times i would see jontahan i teared up. i will not leave without talking to him. we stayed outside for mercy mercedes and nevershoutnever. i told gunz he has to do me a big favor and find cook for me and he said he'll try. after about a half hour we went inside for the cab, but our spots sucked and nobody wanted to stay in the crowd so we went back outside until forever the sickest kids came on. our spots sucked for that too and i didn't have as much fun as i planned, but it's okay because i saw ftsk and i missed them like crazy. when they ended i went to find gunz. he asked me if i met jonathan yet and i said no, i was about to cry. so he texted cook and said " can you come meet one of my listeners real quick?" but he didn't answer. so gunz told me to go by the buses in 15 minutes because they'd most likely be there. so i did. i was standing right in front of the bus and jonathan comes out. he looks at me, pats me on the back and then got mobbed my a group of obnoxious girls. it took him about 2 minutes before he decided to back in the bus. i was so upset, and so close. after that happened laura and cat came over screaming my name, so i ran over to them and they took me to gunz because they told him how badly i needed to see jonathan. he grabbed my hand and we ran through everyone in the crowd around the bus. "IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK, WE'RE NOT HOOKING UP" aha. we got up to the front by the security guards and gunz told them we had to get on the bus and i have to do a "photo shoot". so now we're fricken walking onto ftsk's bus. i had no idea what to do, i was shaking like never before. gunz opens the curtain and says hi to jonathan, kyle, marc, kent, joe clay and 3 people idk, then i come along behind him. completely speechless. he introduced everyone to me and they all said haaaay. cook asked if i like the gunz show, obvs i do. then gunz told jonathan that i've been waiting for this for so long. so i gave him his bracelet and he gave me a huge hug, then told me to sit down and watch some basketball. so i sat down next to him and we all watched basketball and just talked. i asked jonathan if i can sign his hoodie and he said "yes .... put your number." o hullo, i'm dying right now. hes so qt, i can't. whoever was playing basketball won and they all were screaming and going crazy. after like 10 minutes they decided they want to go outside and take pictures with everyone. so i asked jonathan for a quick picture -LEAVING SOMETHING IMPORTANT OUT- so we took a picture and hugged. then i said bye to everyone and walked towards the door with gunz. he's to busy yelling ballinn outside the door to everyone so i'm just standing there waiting. then jonathan comes and we gave each other another huge hug and i look over through the window and i see kiddy and laur staring, practically dying about the fact that i'm on the bus hugging jonathan samuel cook. we walked off the bus and went out through the back because the amount of crazy girls standing right by the door was insane. i heard laura and cat calling my name so i ran to them, hugged them, and burst into tears. i had to let it all out, i was just on the bus with forever the sickest kids and sitting right next to jonathan. i thought i was going to faint. we hung out with gunz for like 20 more minutes. i really couldn't thank him enough. everyone was leaving, i didn't get home till 12 and i wasn't asleep for another hour and a half after that. i've been smiling like crazy since this happened. tomorrow is bamboozle. which means, FTSK AND THE CAB AGAIN, COBRA STARSHIP, DANGER RADIO AND FALL OUT BOY. i'm going crazy, idk what i'm wearing. awesome. dnw rain. kiddy, laura and gunz, thank you for everything you did, it means the world to me and i don't know how to repay you for that. jonathan cook, caleb turman, kyle burns, austin bello, marc stewart and kent garrison, thank you for an amazing night, i love you.